Caroline Bologna
·6 min read
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
Shout out to the mom who signed up for napkins within seconds of the class end-of-year party list going live
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 11, 2024
Someone asked my daughter if she had a hobby and her answer was “just sitting”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 14, 2024
My kid lovingly posted a “Do Not Disturb- Let Mom Sleep” sign on my door last night and then opened that door every five minutes this morning to see if I was awake yet in case you were wondering what Mother’s Day is really like.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 12, 2024
Walking in the woods, 4-year-old asked if I would carry her armful of rocks. I said no. She asked if I would carry her sweatshirt. I said yes. She handed me her sweatshirt (filled with rocks).
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 13, 2024
Tonight I discovered that my daughter, who is 17, has lived her whole life believing that the name of the singer of The Rolling Stones is McJagger.
— Oliver Jones (@oliverjones) May 16, 2024
My 6 year old asked if we could have hotdogs for dinner and I suggested letting her mom choose the meal given the occasion. She said, “it’s Mother’s DAY not Mother’s NIGHT.”
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 12, 2024
assert dominance by showing up at your kid's college dorm in the middle of the night and telling them that you need sleep in their bed with them because you had a nightmare
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) May 16, 2024
My donut-obsessed 6yo has very casually suggested that maybe we can go to Dunkin tomorrow, you know, for Mother's Day
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 11, 2024
I told my 4yo I needed a break today and went to my room. He comes in about 5 mins later and says, "Are you still on your break?" And I tell him yes.
Then he says, "Oh, good. I'm on my break too. We can be on break together. I've had enough of Daddy today."— Melissa Ruth Rotert--ARC reader slots open! (@OnPunsnNeedles) May 16, 2024
Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.
— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) May 12, 2024
If you enjoy arguing about whether or not you just mispronounced your own name I can’t recommend parenting a pre-teen enough.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 12, 2024
My 6yo was upset this morning but refused to talk about it. As she was being dropped off at school, she decided to speak up by saying and I quote, “I go to school too much, and it bothers me.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 15, 2024
My 7yo is lobbying to wear a leopard print bathrobe over her clothes on a school field trip today because "it's a special occasion."
She and my husband are battling it out, but frankly, I'm all for it.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) May 16, 2024
okay nvm im not ready for my kid to start school lol pic.twitter.com/xfz6nNwvsU
— smoke mommy ✨ (@wxfflestomp) May 15, 2024
Attempting to play football in the park with my kids when a random boy shouts out “your mum isn’t very good at football”…
My kids responses?
Kid 1: She’s trying her best & she’s never had a football lesson in her life!
Kid 2: (loudly) And she’s on her period!!😳
— Neena Jha (@DrNeenaJha) May 12, 2024
Once I left Target with three crying toddlers, and a woman blocked me in my parking spot and called the cops because she thought I was kidnapping them. Yes, lady. I planned ahead and bought a van and car seats then grabbed the loudest children I could find. 🙄 Happy Mother’s Day! https://t.co/6Z9p5O9rm7
— Annie Morgan (@annie_m_morgan) May 12, 2024
Sorry, I can't. My 7yo set up a whole puppet show, and she made tickets for the whole family. Everyone is gonna be there, and it's's probably gonna be waaay longer than it needs to be. So yeah... I am booked.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 17, 2024
what i wanted for mothers day: to be left in bed with a bag of reeses cups
what i got: rubbermaid storage containers
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 12, 2024
You might be having a rough morning and thinking your kid's an asshole. You feel bad about thinking that. Well I'm here to tell you that yes, you are correct. They are an asshole, you're not wrong. Hope this helps.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 15, 2024
7: I don’t want you to have any more babies
Me: That’s okay because I’m not having any more babies
7: Good, but I’m still gonna worry till you’re 50
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 15, 2024
Me: Let me know if you want help studying for your AP Lang test.
Daughter: No thanks, you still put two spaces after a period.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 15, 2024
Please keep my son in your prayers. I prepared his favorite sandwich and favorite sliced fruit for lunch, and included potato chips. Then I ruined his life forever by serving it on the wrong plate. I will tweet again when I have emerged from my thousand years of jail.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 14, 2024
As a Mother’s Day gift my husband took me on a quick getaway with 2 of our 7 kids because 5 of them had to work (they are adults) and I just found out the two that are with me have been relentlessly texting the others saying, “Told you she has favorites, bitches.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 11, 2024
i only started going to costco because im 40 and have 3 kids but there’s way too many childless 25 year olds here like why do you need bulk cookies
— amil (@amil) May 11, 2024
We were at a restaurant and my sister-in-law told her kids to put their phones away at the table so I had to be like “Yeah, you guys too!” to my kids as if we also have that rule.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 13, 2024
My kids wanted to know what it's like to be a Mom so I woke them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 11, 2024
